Giving myself permission to become who I am is a biggie for me and maybe for you too.

I feel shame around the fact that I’m not a cis-woman, like being a woman is something that can only be acquired by birthright and will always be denied to me. Just when I write this I have to think about Brene Brown and her wonderful books and TED talk about vulnerability and what actually makes people happy. Writing this is a such a moment for me and it’s very hard for shame to survive the light of the day. I’m so thankful for the people who accompany me on my journey, having beautiful witnessses and supporters changes a lot about my shame part.

I used the weekend holiday of Pentecost to go for a spontaneous trip to Vienna and at the same time planned to have the wonderful Mariam Wahsel as my stylist for my first time shopping of womens clothes. The experience was wonderful, she is a darling and very competent, even though her session with me was a first timer for her too. I felt so supported, helped and protected at the same time in my vulnerable shopping spree.

It was really important for me to finally get casual clothes, because it lowered the bar for me to go out as Femme. So when I went to Freiburg im Breisgau to visit a friend, who is very supportive of my journey and see a great therapist, I wore a nice black dress and felt fabulous. I even bought lipstick, eyeliner and nail polish. It was the most natural thing for me, no shame here. And shortly after I did the same in Zurich and saw my nutritionist with a pink dress. From those experiences I realized that tucking (non-lady parts away) is a thing, but that will be topic for another post. I’m still a bit hesitant to enter the hospital in a dress, but today I’m actually considering it. I will keep you posted!

❤

Achim Mirjam